STUPID QUESTIONS.
SEMI-HONEST ANSWERS.

We ship from our US warehouse within 24–48 hours. You'll get a tracking number once it leaves. Typical delivery: 5–7 business days (US & UK), 7–10 (Canada), 5–8 (Australia), 5–10 (other eligible countries). See our Shipping Policy for details.

Free shipping on all orders to the United States, United Kingdom, and the European countries we serve (plus Bosnia and Herzegovina, North Macedonia, Moldova, Monaco, Montenegro, and Serbia). Canada: $4.99 shipping, free on orders $80+ USD. Australia: $8.99 shipping, free on orders $80+ USD. Full list: Shipping Policy.

Yes—to the US, UK, Canada, Australia, and many European countries. Free shipping applies to the US, UK, and listed EU/neighbor countries; Canada and Australia have flat rates with free shipping on orders $80+ USD. We don't ship everywhere on earth (we're five humans, not Amazon). Check Shipping Policy or email support@SarcasticDesk.com if your country isn't listed.

Because 0.11" felt cheap and 0.13" felt like a mattress. 0.12" is the sweet spot—enough cushion to absorb your existential dread when you hit your head on the desk, but firm enough to keep your mouse moving.

Mild soap, cold water, and a bit of dignity. Hand wash only. Do NOT put it in the dryer. Let it air dry like your career aspirations on a Monday morning.

No. We are a team of 5 real people, not a trillion-dollar conglomerate. We do not accept returns or exchanges for non-quality reasons—not for 30 days, not because your cat disapproves. Please be sure you want this mat before you click buy. See our Return & Refund Policy.

If we messed up—defect, wrong item, or shipping damage—email support@SarcasticDesk.com within 30 days of delivery with your order number and clear photos. We respond within 48 hours. If a return is approved, we'll send a specific return address (never use the sender address on the box). We cover return shipping for approved quality claims.

Email first—don't ship anything until we approve it. Include order number, what's wrong, and photos (full mat + defect close-ups). We'll reply within 48 hours with next steps: replacement, refund, or return instructions. Full details: Return & Refund Policy.

Be honest. Nothing will make you productive except a deadline in 2 hours. But this mat will make you look like you have your life together while you're actually scrolling Reddit.

Just 5 humans in the US who were tired of corporate BS. We make gear for the people who actually do the work. No middle-men, no synergy meetings, just good mats.